Ever wondered what happens if a passenger dies at sea during a cruise? Or if crew members can date each other?
You’ll find the answers below and more besides, as Lauren Heavner (@laurenheav), a professional vocalist who has worked on cruise ships for over 10 years for six different lines across more than 1,000 voyages, reveals a boatload of cruise-ship secrets.
Scroll down and you’ll also discover the sad truth about whales hitting ships and how Lauren copes with amorous guests…
SHIPS HAVE A SMALL HOSPITAL’S WORTH OF DOCTORS AND NURSES
Help is never far away if you’re poorly at sea.
Lauren tells MailOnline Travel: ‘On a cruise ship, the size of the medical facility is a game of numbers – guest numbers, to be exact.
‘For a behemoth carrying 4,000 guests, you’ll typically find two doctors and a small battalion of six or seven nurses ready to handle everything from seasickness to something more sinister.
‘But on the smaller, more intimate vessels – say, those hosting under 1,000 guests – you’re looking at a leaner operation: one doctor, a couple of nurses, and the hope that everyone’s sunscreen game is strong.’
NOROVIRUS SPREADS FASTER THAN GOSSIP
The cruise ship performer reveals that the vomiting bug is a real pest at sea.
She says: ‘Over the years, I’ve seen my share of medical emergencies on cruise ships – too many falls ending in broken bones, a couple of heart attacks that claimed lives and norovirus outbreaks that spread faster than gossip at the crew bar.’
THE OCEAN HUMBLES EVERYONE
Lauren explains: ‘It doesn’t matter if you’re a first-timer or a seasoned sailor, the ocean has a way of humbling everyone. Seasickness is by far the most common reason for a trip to the ship’s medical facility.’
CERTAIN CRUISES TEND TO SEE MORE MEDICAL EMERGENCIES
‘Medical emergencies onboard aren’t exactly an everyday occurrence, but they’re not rare either,’ explains Lauren. ‘Certain cruises – or more accurately certain lines – tend to see more than their share, based on the demographics of their passengers.’
She reveals: ‘I even had my own brush with disaster once. If you’re out there, Doc, I owe you a drink or two.’
SHIPS HAVE A MORGUE
If the worst happens, and ‘someone passes away at sea’, Lauren explains that ‘the process is handled with quiet professionalism’.
She says: ‘The cruise line notifies the family, offering comfort and support. If the ship is far from port, the body is respectfully stored in the ship’s morgue.
‘Once ashore, arrangements are made to repatriate the deceased, ensuring they return home with dignity.’
COVID-19 WAS LIKE A NIGHTMARE
Lauren tells MailOnline: ‘Nothing compares to the chaos of Covid-19. Being a crew member on a cruise ship during that time was like living a nightmare with no shore in sight.
‘Isolation, fear and uncertainty hung in the air as heavy as the ocean fog. It wasn’t just terrifying – it was the kind of terrible that leaves a mark, the kind you carry with you long after the seas have calmed.’
PASSENGER/CREW RELATIONSHIPS DO HAPPEN
The professional vocalist tells MailOnline: ‘Fraternising with passengers is strictly forbidden for crew members – a rule that comes with one of the harshest consequences: immediate termination.
‘But rules, as we all know, are only as strong as the people following them. And let’s just say, not everyone on the ship is a fan of playing by the book.’
THERE’S A DARKER SIDE TO LIFE AS AN ENTERTAINER
Lauren doesn’t entertain inappropriate comments.
She reveals: ‘As a headline entertainer, I’m often the face of the ship – a role that comes with its share of perks and quirks.
‘Guests love to chat, share a drink, or linger over dinner, soaking in a little of that spotlight magic. But there’s a darker side to the attention.
‘The odd inappropriate comment from men is, unfortunately, part of the job. Over time, I’ve mastered the art of the quick counter – firm, humorous, respectful, but enough to remind them that it’s unwanted.’
THERE’S A MESSY TRUTH TO CREW RELATIONSHIPS
Lauren explains: ‘Relationships among crew members are as common as sunsets at sea – a natural byproduct of close quarters and long contracts. But beneath the surface lies a messier truth.
‘The real question isn’t whether they’re in a relationship – it’s whether their spouses back home know.
‘Sure, there are genuine, monogamous relationships on ships, built on something real. But let’s not kid ourselves – those are the exceptions, not the rule.’
She adds: ‘Crew members are free to date each other – it’s practically inevitable in the close-knit world of ship life.
‘But there’s one hard-and-fast caveat: no relationships between a supervisor and their subordinates.’
THE CAPTAIN SETS THE TONE FOR THE SHIP
Lauren tells MailOnline that the captain often sets the atmosphere on a ship, revealing: ‘It all comes down to the captain’s personality. Some prefer to keep a low profile, only showing up for the obligatory events.
‘Others are the opposite – outgoing, approachable, and eager to connect with the crew. Every captain brings their own style to the bridge, and they set the tone for the entire ship.’
SHIPS HIT WHALES
The professional vocalist explains: ‘I was on a ship cruising through Alaska when we struck a whale – a collision that left the whale draped over the ship’s bow as we pulled into port. This quickly made national headlines.
‘The reactions from both passengers and crew were strikingly similar – helplessness mixed with an unsettling sense of guilt, even though it was beyond anyone’s control.’
