Not long to go now. Soon all the shopping will be done, the presents wrapped, the food prepared and then, if you’re lucky, you might have a few minutes to sit down and relax over the next few weeks. If so – and I very much hope that this is the case – why not spend a bit of time looking back and thinking about what you’re grateful for?
People tend to think the end of the year is about looking forward: New Year’s resolutions, change, a fresh start. Why look back? I’m often surprised how many people say: ‘I’ll be pleased when the year is over’ – as though it’s something you should turn your back on and not think about again.
Of course, some will have had a tough year. There will have been setbacks, upsets and maybe even tragedies. But for most, there will have been good things, too. Even if someone has had a very difficult time with a bereavement, say, there will be some positive, heart-warming or life-affirming moments too – perhaps the way friends rallied around or a partner supported you.
If we only focus on the future, determined to look forward and put difficult experiences behind us, we risk missing these little gems.
In consigning the whole year to the waste bin of life as an annus horribilis we don’t get to see the glimmers of goodness that were probably also there.
The strength of our memories tends to be closely related to the strength of the feelings attached to them, particularly in the case of negative emotions. This means we remember things that provoked strong reactions much more vividly than others. It’s very normal to find a few upsetting events dominating our memory of a year, while the lesser, but enjoyable things, fade or are forgotten.
This is why I always recommend keeping a journal. We often forget all the moments of fun and joy we had, despite everything else that might have happened. I’m not talking about a Bridget Jones-style diary with endless entries covering all your thoughts and worries. It’s actually enough to have an old fashioned datebook or calendar with a record of the things you did, where you went, people you saw.
If you don’t have a physical diary, maybe you keep notes on your social engagements in your phone calendar? If so, I highly recommend that, in the time between Christmas and New Year, you spend a few hours just flicking through it, remembering everything you did.
You’ll be surprised how many fun, interesting and enjoyable things you’ve done over the year, and simply forgotten.
The reality is, if we don’t reflect, we don’t get to be grateful.
Finding the good things in the rubble of life often doesn’t come easily. Sometimes you have to force yourself to spot them – and to say thank you.
Psychologists call it ‘gratitude therapy’ and it helps you focus on the positives in your life. It comes out of a branch of psychotherapy called ‘positive psychology’ which has become increasingly popular in recent years.
It’s quite a shift from traditional psychotherapeutic approaches which tend to focus on the problems that someone has in their life. Positive psychology, in contrast, makes the focus of the work about exploring what is going right in someone’s life and thinking about the things they can be grateful for.
It is an important weapon in the arsenal to tackle life’s difficulties. Countless studies have shown a robust association between high levels of gratitude and long-term mental wellbeing.
It is thought to work on several levels. By focusing on the positive, we reduce toxic emotions such as anger, frustration, envy and regret.
Research has shown that saying ‘thank you’ to the people in your life helps solidify friendships and form new relationships, meaning people have better social networks. This in turn helps to stave off loneliness and improve mood. It also helps to improve empathy and decreases interpersonal conflict.
Showing gratitude for someone who made an impact (however small) in your life over the year doesn’t have to involve getting them a lavish present. Often something as simple as a phone call to wish them a Happy Christmas or a Christmas card with a thoughtful message written in it is all that’s needed.
It shows you thought about them, that you remember and appreciate them. We all know how good it feels to be on the receiving end of that.
And it’s not just something you can do in the brief bit of downtime at the end of the year. Advocates of gratitude therapy recommend people make a conscious decision to set aside a block of time a day – say, 15 minutes – during which you reflect on the positive things in your life. The key is to really think about everything you are grateful for, which is why it’s recommended that you actually write it down, rather than just cycling through a list in your mind. The act of putting pen to paper provides a physical, tangible focus.
It’s also very helpful if you find yourself having an overwhelming negative emotion or thought. Pull out your list and remind yourself that not everything in life is bad – even if it might feel like that at times. I hope you find many things to feel grateful about this season.
This Christmas, I’ve enjoyed indulging in my favourite festive films. It’s A Wonderful Life is one them – it’s very profound. My other favourite is The Muppets’ Christmas Carol. It never fails to raise a smile. And that’s what life is all about, surely?
It’s OK to take time out this week
Lily Allen confessed this week she is ‘not in a great place mentally’. While no one knows why the singer, who is married to Stranger Things actor David Harbour, is struggling (there is speculation their marriage may be in trouble), many will be sympathising with her.
Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy, but it can also exacerbate any pre-existing problems. There’s huge pressure that the festive period should be ‘perfect’ and it can often feel a great strain to ‘put on a happy face’ and pretend everything is fine.
Remember, it’s important, and also OK, to duck out of commitments if you need to. Ensure you have time to yourself as an act of self-care and try to spend time with loved ones who have your best interests at heart.
But fear not, walking 7,000 steps daily could reduce your risk of depression, a study suggests. Physical exercise is known to improve mental health, but this is the first study investigating the benefit of step counts and finding a link between the two. Be reassured if you only hit 7,000 your mental health will still benefit.
There is new evidence that between 25 and 45 per cent of Alzheimer’s disease could be caused by a herpes virus called cytomegalovirus. Most of us are exposed in our first few decades. Usually, it lives harmlessly in the gut, however, scientists believe in others the virus may linger in an active state travelling to the brain.
Dr Max prescribes… 7,000 steps
For most of us, achieving the magical 10,000 steps is hard.
But fear not, walking 7,000 steps daily could reduce your risk of depression, a study suggests. Physical exercise is known to improve mental health, but this is the first study investigating the benefit of step counts and finding a link between the two. Be reassured if you only hit 7,000 your mental health will still benefit.
