James Bond-creator Ian Fleming is probably someone worth listening to. After all, he’s sold more than 60 million books and created a film franchise that’s brought in billions.
Fleming loved Jamaica. He first went there in 1943 as a high-level intelligence officer to attend an Anglo-US conference in Kingston, aimed at tackling the German U-boat problem in the Caribbean.
‘When we have won this blasted war, I am going to live in Jamaica,’ he said. ‘Just live in Jamaica and lap it up and swim in the sea and write books.’
Which is pretty much what he did, staying in his Golden Eye villa (now part of a swanky and pricey hotel complex) and hanging out with the likes of Noel Coward.
Of course, the island has changed dramatically since those days (no pesky U-boats for a start) and I wonder what Fleming would make of the growing number of all-inclusive resorts, such the Grand Palladium, near Montego Bay on the north-west coast, where I am billeted. I suspect he would approve whole-heartedly, not least because you pay for everything up front and then just tuck in to whatever takes your fancy. An after-breakfast cocktail? Thank you very much.
The Grand Palladium has just pepped itself up with a £20million refurb, adding lots of rooms and suites (there are now a whopping 1,000 in total) and new restaurants. They have also toned down the colour, from vivid Caribbean shades to a sort of all-purpose subdued neutral. Which seems a pity: you could be in Bruges rather than the Caribbean.
Big is what the Grand Palladium is all about. Indeed, it boasts about having the biggest swimming pool in Jamaica, and if you want extra big then there’s no stopping you using the facilities at the Grand Palladium Lady Hamilton Resort & Spa just next door, which is part of the same group.
But it’s also about big value. You can stay here for £50 a night per person, all-inclusive. Golf buggies ferry you around if the rum punches prove hazardous or you can’t be bothered to walk.
I found it all a little overwhelming at first but it’s amazing how quickly you become accustomed to resort life – and the soft sandy beaches help, of course.
The hotel is a magnet for locals (a good sign), as well as plenty of Americans and Europeans. It’s a quiet old day if there isn’t a vigorous Jamaican wedding unfurling.
Families are a big deal, too. As Dana, from Michigan, pointed out as we queued for our excellent breakfast omelettes: ‘Thank heaven for the kids’ club,’ she said. ‘There’s a brilliant team there who take great care of our little ones. We’ll come back as soon as we can.’
I might have lost count but I think there are ten restaurants – Indian, Mexican, Japanese, Italian, Jamaican and so on.
But food’s not the resort’s strong suit. Honestly, the tastiest meal we had was at a jerk shack outside the reservation so to speak, on the way to the Martha Brae River. I have avoided jerk shacks most of my life – big mistake.
We were visiting the Martha Brae for a trip on a bamboo raft, floating gently under trees and foliage down a three-mile stretch, passing little bars and craft stalls. Not Olympic kayaking, for sure, but a wonderful way to spend an afternoon.
Another highlight was a catamaran trip organised by the hotel, with frequent stops to cool off in Jamaica’s welcoming waters. I love the Caribbean but am aware at times that some of the locals aren’t that keen on us white folks.
If you get the chance, a visit to the excellent cultural centre in buzzy Montego Bay helps to explain why.
You can find out about Jamaican culture and the Rastafari religion, and you’ll see an extraordinary set of exhibits about the shocking history of slavery on the island. It doesn’t make you feel that proud of our past, let’s just say that.
Maybe better leave the last word to Christopher Columbus, who landed in Jamaica in May 1494, and is on the same team as James Bond.
In his log he wrote: ‘The fairest island that eyes have beheld: mountains and the land seem to touch the sky… all full of valleys and fields and plains.’
He would have to add all-inclusives to that list today.
