Late PGA Tour star Grayson Murray told his father ‘I don’t want to be here anymore’ roughly three weeks before his tragic suicide last May, it has been revealed.
Murray passed away at the age of 30 on May 25, a day after withdrawing from the Charles Schwab Challenge citing an illness.
And on May 5 at his family’s home in Raleigh, North Carolina, he expressed suicidal ideation to his father, Eric, the dad recalled in a new Golf Digest story.
The father and son are said to have cried as they sat together in the family’s living room.
The Golf Digest story also shared how an accident in 2014 worsened the emotional issues Murray had dealt with to that point.
He hit his head on the pavement after a bike accident while at Arizona State University, reportedly resulting in him having lower energy and more dramatic mood swings.
An MRI showed that Murray was using only 20 percent of the right side of his brain.
‘That was the beginning of the fatalism,’ his father said. ‘The worse it got, the more he talked, and the thing he kept saying over and over was, ‘I don’t think anyone can help me.”
Following his troubling conversation with his father on May 5, he competed in the Wells Fargo Championship the next day – and wound up tying for 10th.
Murray also spoke to his brother, Cameron, two days before his death – with the golfer sharing he planned to visit his sibling in Aruba after finishing the Charles Schwab Challenge.
‘Some of the harder times were when things would be going well. You get your hopes up,’ his father, Eric said. … It was always a fight for all of us.’
His sister, Erica, added that the lifestyle of being a pro golfer took its toll on him, with Murray often turning to gambling as a ‘distraction’ from his feelings, he told a member of a local Raleigh country club.
‘He didn’t like being on the road,’ Erica said. ‘He was a homebody, he got his energy from family and friends. Being stuck in hotel rooms, [away] from people he could trust, did a number on him.’
With Murray’s death occurring less than a month before he was due to return to NC to play in the US Open at Pinehurst, the USGA opted to still pay tribute to him at the tournament.
Organizers kept his locker in the clubhouse, and attached a poignant message on the front.
The silver plaque carries his name, and a message alongside it reads: ‘The USGA remembers Grayson and pays tribute to the playing accomplishments that merited his place in the 124th US Open Championship.’
Underneath, a quote reads: ‘Be kind to one another’.
A moment of silence and an honorary tee time was also held at his local club in Raleigh, while his heartbroken caddie was invited to carry a PGA Tour official’s bag at a tournament in an opportunity for him to achieve ‘normalcy’ in the wake of the tragic events.
Prior to his death, Murray had previously spoken openly about his battles with depression, anxiety and alcoholism.
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If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text ‘STRENGTH’ to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.
