SAUCY SECRETS: My husband destroyed my self-esteem with his ‘innocent’ secret. Now I’ve found out… and I don’t think I’ll ever get over his betrayal

Dear Jana,

For over a year now my partner has failed to maintain an erection. It’s really affected our sex life and I believed it was because he didn’t find me attractive enough, which when questioned he barely denied. 

Last week I was rummaging through his bedside draw for our spare phone charger I found some pills I had never seen before so I Googled them, and it turned out to be male pattern hair loss tablets. Many articles came up during my google search warning of the drugs link to erectile disfunction. Judging by the near empty bottle, he’s been taking them for quite a while and made me believe that our bedroom issues were down to me and not his rapidly receding hairline. I’m so angry! 

How do I broach the subject with him without looking like I was prying through his drawers? It’s come as a huge relief but I’m struggling to get over the deception.

Help!

Anonymous

Oh anonymous,

This will be the simplest answer I’ve ever given, and I can sum it up in one word… divorce. Yes, divorce that man. How dare he make you feel unattractive all because he’s vain about his bloody chrome dome.

We women already have to deal with periods, pregnancy and perimenopause, and now this man wants to throw ‘unattractive’ onto the pile of shit we’re already dealing with.

No. At the very least he deserves a good metaphorical spanking. (Not a real one, we never condone violence people!) And I wouldn’t give two hoots if he arced up about you going through his drawers, throw the damn pill packet in his direction and scream ‘WTF?’.

Sure, we’re all vain about something. I mean, I’ve got a five-finger forehead that could signal aliens in outer space if they strapped a radar to my head, but do you see me negging men because I’m insecure about it? No. I just jolly well get on with it.

This man allowing you too feel insecure because of his insecurity is infuriating, and he deserves a good talking to. So say ‘not today Satan!’ and make it clear that it’s not ok for him to project his insecurities on to you. Full stop.

Dear Jana,

I’ve been chatting with a married guy on LinkedIn after meeting him on a cruise with my kids. I’m a newly single mom and saved up to take my child on this trip. While on board, we connected with another family, and our kids became friends, so we ended up having dinners together.

One night, after a long day of fun, his wife took their kids (and my daughter) back to their cabin for a slumber party. He and I stayed at the bar for a nightcap, and things got a little flirty, but we kept it harmless. Now that we’re back home, he’s following me on LinkedIn. My friends think he chose that platform because his wife is less likely to check it.

I really enjoy our conversations, but I can’t shake the feeling that it could lead to trouble. I’d like to stay friends, but is it risky? What do you think?

Anonymous

Ahh yes, the platform that sneaky cheaters flock to for a little flirtation – I know it all too well.

Your friends are bang on with their opinions. This guy knows that if his wife is looking to catch him out, Instagram and Facebook are her first stops. But ‘LinkedIn is a career networking app, for goodness’ sake,’ as my dodgy ex-boyfriend once put it.

Spoiler alert: he was up to no good.

A quick Google search will reveal countless articles suggesting that LinkedIn has become the new dating app, and I have to agree. I’d suggest passing off that holiday flirtation as a one-time thing and focus on finding a million other available men to befriend (or more). And definitely steer clear of this one – there’s nothing scarier than a scorned wife. Trust me.

Dear Jana,

I hope you can help me out. After 17 years of marriage, I find myself back in the dating world, and honestly, I’m feeling lost. Things have changed a lot since my last date! How do women prefer to be dated these days? Back then, I’d just call their home phone and take them out to dinner. Now, these dating apps seem like a whole new ballgame and I’m finding them overwhelming.

I’m really just looking for a nice woman to settle down with, but I keep hearing that I should be dating multiple women and that drinks are the way to go instead of dinner. I could really use some advice on how to navigate this new dating scene as a guy in his late forties. Any tips for this old fuddy-duddy would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,

Roger

Roger, Roger, Roger, welcome to the modern dating era! You’ll love (**cough cough, hate) it here. My first bit of advice is to stop listening to everyone else and date however the heck you want.

If you want to invite a lovely lady out for a nice meal, then go for it! If you prefer to date one woman at a time, I give you a mighty thumbs up. There are no rules in the game of love; it’s all about what makes you feel comfortable.

But take it slow. This isn’t a race to find the next Mrs. Roger. You might be feeling a little lonely and lost in the world of single life, but rushing to fill that void often leads to bad decisions. So, the first step is to get comfortable being alone. Figure out who you are without a woman on your arm, and you’ll have a better idea of the kind of person you could happily spend the rest of your life with.

So why not date a few women – one at a time if you like? Just like Goldilocks took her time figuring out which porridge she liked best, take your time to get to know each woman’s personality and see who works best with yours.

Get out there, stud, and remember: dates are supposed to be fun, not job interviews!